The definition of insanity in Texas is so insane that it's impossible to be insane in Texas.
― Malcolm McDowell
Texans are an interesting bunch of people, and so is their language. Everybody is aware of the Texas pride
. Southern charm and wittiness makes for an amazing read, but sometimes the phrases and sayings can literally go above your head. The weather is never described as hot or cold; something like hot enough to fry eggs on the sidewalk
will be used. So, if you are going to visit Texas in the near future, just go through these phrases; it will save you from confusion and awkwardness.
And yes, you can even use a phrase or two to impress someone or boast in front of your friends. Like they say down south, as full of wind as a corn-eating horse
Common Texas Phrases
Y'all: Y'all when referring to a single person. All y'all when referring to a group of people.
Coke: Coke refers to any soda or pop. If you ask for coke, you'll be asked which one.
Fixin' To: Fixin' To does not even remotely mean fixing something. It is just like I am going to....
Do wut?: Do wut? is like excuse me or pardon me.
Bowed up: Bowed up means that someone is very angry.
Tea: Tea is always sweetened ice tea in Texas. In case you want something else, tell it beforehand.
Not plum but pert near: Not plum but pert near means that the situation is not ideal, but workable.
Neighbor: Neighbor does not mean just your physical neighbor in Texas. It could be any person you know, living anywhere.
Sayings used to describe something/someone
He's all broth and no beans.
He can strut sitting down.
She's all gurgle and no guts.
As full of wind as a corn-eating horse.
She makes a hornet look cuddly.
You're so low you have to look up to see hell.
He's got horns holding up his halo.
He'd start a fight at the drop of a hat―and he'd drop it himself.
She can't help being ugly, but she could stay home.
So ugly his mama had to tie a pork chop around his neck so the dogs would play with him.
She's so ugly she'd make a freight train take a dirt road.
He looks like he was in the outhouse when the lightning struck.
She's a couple sandwiches shy of a picnic.
There's a light or two burned out on his string.
He's overdrawn at the memory bank.
Her phone's off the hook.
So pretty she'd make a man plow through a stump.
I'd rather watch her walk than eat fried chicken.
She's built like a Coke bottle.
She has more curves than a barrel of snakes.
Sweeter than baby's breath.
If I felt any better, I'd think it was a setup.
This is so good it'll make childbirth a pleasure.
Fine as cream gravy.
Not worth spit.
No more good than an eyeless needle.
She's itching for something she won't scratch for.
He couldn't hit the floor if he fell of our bed.
Noisier than cats making kittens.
Noisy as two skeletons dancing on a tin roof.
He called his hogs all night.
He learned to whisper in a sawmill.
He was born on the wrong side of the blanket.
She's just naturally horizontal.
They're hitched but not churched.
Loose as a bucket of soot.
Dumb as a watermelon.
Dumb as a box of rocks.
If all her brains were ink, she couldn't dot an i.
If he had a brain, it'd die of loneliness.
I got my ox in a ditch.
He ripped his britches.
Got a big hole in the fence.
They hung the wrong horse thief.
He could talk the ears off a mule.
She has a bell clapper instead of a tongue.
He's a live dictionary.
He's got a ten-gallon mouth.
Let's blow this pop stand.
Church is out.
It's time to heat up the bricks.
Let's light a shuck.
He jumped on me like white on rice.
Faster than double-struck lightning.
In a New York minute.
Faster than a sneeze through a screen door.
Hot enough to fry eggs on the sidewalk.
Hotter than a honeymoon hotel.
Hot as a depot stove.
Hot as Hades.
Cold as an ex-wife's heart.
Cold as a cast-iron commode.
This is hog-killing weather.
Cold as a frosted frog.
If a trip around the world cost a dollar, I couldn't get to the Oklahoma line.
He's too poor to pay attention.
So poor their Sunday supper is fried water.
Too poor to paint, too proud to whitewash.
He could sit on the fence and the birds would feed him.
He always draws the best bull.
He could draw a pat hand from a stacked deck.
They tried to hang him but the rope broke.
She has short arms and deep pockets.
So tight he squeaks when he walks.
He'll squeeze a nickel till the buffalo screams.
Tight as a fiddle string.
So big he looks like he ate his brother.
He'll eat anything that don't eat him first.
He don't care what you call him as long as you call him to supper.
Fat as a boardinghouse cat.
This ain't my first rodeo.
He's got plenty of arrows in his quiver.
If she crows, the sun is up.
He could find a whisper in a whirlwind.
Drunk as a skunk.
Tighter than bark on a log.
Jugging and jawing.
Commode-hugging, knee-walking drunk.
Never miss a good chance to shutup.
Always drink upstream from the herd.
A smart ass just don't fit in a saddle.
Never smack a man who's chewin' tobacco.
Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut.
Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back.
If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.
Don't worry about bitin' off more than you can chew. Your mouth is probably a whole lot bigger'n you think.
If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.
Never follow good whiskey with water, unless you're out of good whiskey.
Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
If you find yourself in a hole the first thing to do is stop diggin'.
Never drop your gun to hug a grizzly.
When you give a lesson in meanness to a critter or a person, don't be surprised if they learn their lesson.
There's two theories to arguin' with a woman. Neither one works.
It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.
When you're throwin' your weight around, be ready to have it thrown around by somebody else.
The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in your pocket.